I thought being back in PT would drive me batty. I've only been back to running for about a month after the forced break caused by my car accident last October. I thought I'd be itching to go for a run, and getting cranky about doing other things. But, instead of it being a burden keeping me from enjoying myself, it's been rather freeing. I've rediscovered the idea of joyful movement, and exercise, not as a means to an end (a new race distance, a new PR) , but as something I can do for fun and for myself.

I've been swimming a lot, and started a swim clinic a few weeks back. I've done a few metcons in my basement, and focused some of my energy on weight lifting. I'm thinking about checking out a pilates studio nearby, and taking advantage of a yoga studio's month of unlimited classes offer for new students. Between the classes at my gym, the equipment in my basement, and the yoga/pilates/barre studios nearby, I've got so many options. And I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, without it taking away from something I should be doing to prepare for an upcoming race.

It's been nearly three years since I haven't had a race on my calendar. Be it Spartan, 5k, half-marathon, I've always had one (or a dozen) planned out. I always seem to be on a training plan, or planning to be on a training plan, and restricting my workout schedule to focus my energy on that. While I have a loose goal of completing a triathlon this year, I'm not registered for anything. I have no fitness obligations, other than that which brings my heart joy.

This experience has me thinking: what if I never ran another race? Or, a more reasonable thought, what if I just raced for fun? What if I stepped back from constantly striving, and needing to go farther or run faster and push and push and push? I worry sometimes that if I stopped racing, I'd stop trying. But what if all that racing and focusing on a single sport has kept me from trying new things that I might enjoy as much? What if I took a step back and returning to fitness as something that brings me joy and makes me healthier irrespective of finish times? I've forgotten what that's like, though it's how I used to look at exercise.

I'm not happy to be injured, but I think it would have been a long time coming to remember this state of mind otherwise. My PT is going well, and I'm not chomping at the figurative bit, and that's certainly better for me both mentally and physically. I'm looking forward to trying new things I've been avoiding, and returning to running when the time comes with a less intense mindset. I needed the break.